“New England’s infamoose mascot-an excursion review“
I have a most somber confession for you, good reader: I am in mourning.
Though the winds be fair and the days bright, I am aggrieved. It is a sad day when a little monkey lizard stops believing in Moose Santa. A sad day indeed. But perhaps you require context. Please allow me to explain.
It was a day like any other—well, no, that is not true at all for I was on a glorious adventure throughout New England with my human. Oh the sights we saw! The food we tasted! The friends we met! (Hello, Padawan Max!) During the course of 10 days, we visited 10 states (which, by my calculations, equates to almost two and a half states per day! But I was never very good at geometry).
It was a whirlwind of adventures and we delighted in waking every morning with virtually no plan and just allowing the day to unfold as we went along. We could not have been happier. Except for one small thing…
You see, in the weeks leading up to our trip, the girl had told me of unusual creatures that are said to inhabit much of the New England terrain. Vaguely resembling a smaller version of a naked bantha, these “moose” (or “swamp puppies” per some locals) are on nearly every postcard, every ad, every logo of any business in many of the northern states.
Signs labeled “Moose Crossing” or “Brake for Moose!” littered the highways. Hotels with names like “Moose Brook Motel” or “Moose Meadow Lodge” were common. Moose stuffed animals, mugs, and magnets were staples at every gift shop. I confess I was very excited to behold the splendor of these exotic creatures and the girl assured me that a sighting was imminent.
And so I kept a watchful eye. Two in fact! I looked in the mornings. I looked in the evenings. I looked along the busy highways. I looked along the secluded woodland roads. I looked in the mountains. I looked along the beaches. I looked in the parking lots. I looked in the bathtubs. And not a one. Not one single moose to be found in the entirety of New England! The depth of my disappointment was great indeed. Despite her enthusiastic predictions prior, the girl has since confessed to me that on a previous trip to the region nearly a decade ago, she saw exactly zero mooses as well. What then must I deduce from such an experience?
Well, dear reader, I am forced to conclude that these “swamp puppies” must have gone extinct. Vanished, like Luke Skywalker, with barely a trace. In fact, in my cynicism, I begin to question whether they ever existed at all. Perhaps all of these “pictures” and “sightings” touted by others were really the clever work of Imperial droid bots or propaganda spread to attract unwitting travelers to the area. And if that is the case, rest assured that I will be writing a strongly worded letter to Mr. or Ms. New England and insist that they remove the fantastical moose as their official mascot and replace it with a creature based in reality- a wild turkey perhaps, as we certainly saw those in abundance.
So, if these “moose” be pure myth (as I am now convinced they are) then it follows that the infamous Santa Moose does not exist either. Now, perhaps, you understand my melancholy?
Ah, how easy it would be to focus entirely on this grievance. But Jessica is encouraging me to remain positive. So, I will share a few of the enjoyable portions of our adventure then for there were many!
The state of Connecticut proved to be a cornucopia of delightful surprises. We visited Dinosaur State Park where I saw tracks and remains of some of my distant relations.
We also stumbled upon the PEZ Museum which boasts the largest collection and indeed, THE largest PEZ in the world. (Though, I profess myself somewhat petulant that figures such as the eye of Sauron and a Wawa’s gas truck have been deemed worthy to grace the top of a PEZ dispenser and yet my own handsome visage is painfully absent…But forgive me, this is no time for my pez-imism!)
Salem, Massachusetts was another glorious stop. The girl had attempted to describe the atmosphere to me and the emphasis on a seasonal event they call “Halloween”. But no description could have fully prepared me. I have seen a number of strange creatures in my day. But even I was awed by all of the oddities and curiosities that met my eyes. The galactic menagerie of Jabba’s palace pales in comparison to the melting pot that is Salem. Truly, this town seemed made for creatures such as myself and I felt most welcome and at home there!
Every other store seemed dedicated to witchcraft in some form, selling crystals, magic wands, or offering ghost tours. Costumed citizens roamed the streets and entertained passersby while fog and eerie music drifted through the air. It was truly an extraordinary spectacle. I was also delighted to catch a glimpse of a galaxy far, far away at The Black Cat Curiosity Shoppe which had become the home of a number of relics and props from shows and movies including our beloved Star Wars.
A high point of our trip, quite literally, was the ascent to Mt. Washington in New Hampshire which is the tallest peak in the northeast at 6,288ft. Thankfully, the winds were not as strong as the highest ever recorded (231 mph) and the temperatures, though cold, were not bordering on ludicrous levels. The view from the top observation deck encompasses 5 different states and even parts of neighboring Canada and the Atlantic Ocean on fine days. It would make for an excellent spaceport location should you earthlings so desire.
Any Adventure of The Crumb would not be truly complete without an investigation of a new food. This we found in a humble bagel shop called Bagels Plus in North Conway, NH. Driving towards our residence for the evening, a roadside sign outside the bagel shop arrested our attention: Home of the Boissant, a bagel croissant hybrid. No further prompting was needed for us to return the following morning where we were able to secure our boissant mere minutes before they sold out for the day.
The boissant was precisely what was promised: a cross between a chewy bagel and a flaky croissant. Somehow both textures were achieved which made it lighter than a dense bagel but still with enough substance to satisfy. We could easily have eaten another as it would have been especially good with a jam topping however the pricing was a bit high coming in at well over $5 with tax. Despite some of the top getting slightly burned in the toaster, we still considered this an appetizing way to start the day!
Ten days worth of adventures is nigh impossible to condense into a brief post and as the hour grows late, I shall conclude here. I hope I have sufficiently distracted us all from our despondent thoughts on a world devoid of Santa Moose. We can only hope that we are not moose-taken in Turkey Santa and that he rises to the occasion and exceeds our high expectations!
May your autumnal foliage transform from the green-ish hues of overcooked broccoli into a bedazzling kaleidoscope of reds, yellows and oranges and bring you much delight.
As always, May The Crumb Be With You, friends!
Written: 10/14/26
